I feel so useless right now. Inadequate is the word continually forming in my mind. I cannot do a fucking thing right sometimes. Ya know when you're stuck in a bog and there's only one choice, only one way to get out but like a gazillion ways to just get further and further stuck? I manage to avoid the one brilliant and simple option. Eurgh.

At least Radiohead keeps me in check "You do it to yourself, you do, and that's what really hurts. You do it to yourself, just you, you and no one else."

I was walking down the road considering phoning Mr J, oddly enough he was one step ahead of me in this game and he phoned me. Hurrah.

Okay. Just felt my heart break again. Life is so fucking painful sometimes, didn't ya know that? Weird how I've already cut today. Might as well do it a couple more times. It's getting deeper and deeper and there is blood. Hoorah. Can't believe I just typed that. What-the-fuck-ever.

Jason, your voice is cool. I listened to it for a long time yesterday (which is fucking ace) and I decided that. Yup.

Peggerty. I do miss you but I want you to feel better and I don't want you talking to me hurt you more than you not talking to me. Make sense?

So yeah. Today was uneventful mainly because I skipped two out of three lessons. Just fuck it. I've begun to give up again. ahhh well.

I feel like wallowing. *tries to open a cut wider*

I need pain. more. more. more.