All evening I've been gripped by this abundent sense of nothingness. It means I'm not depressed, suicidal or hyper. It just means there's fuck all personality within me right now.

But all of a sudden whilst leaning out of my window smoking I became overly paranoid. I think there's someone out there after me. I saw this man in a white t-shirt and jeans after me when I realised it was just my cigarette burning in the night sky. I'm freaking out internally and tapping my leg for no reason whatsoever.

It's bad. Again. I don't know what to do. So even though I went offline I'm back again to reassure myself nothing is there. I'm worried now about all the dark corners of my room. Anyone could be hiding in the nooks of my room. Maybe someone is. Fuck. No.

Maybe something is wrong with me but that's the way things are right? Some things can't be changed, hopefully this is one thing that can be changed otherwise I'm gonna be like this forever.

Heh. No wonder most people give up on me and leave me alone ... well... remember the most part people. There's usually (always?) someone caring for me. Riight? Right, yeh.

Leg is now tapping/shaking more and more now. Yay. Meh. I'll just go sleep soon and have a horrible dream about someone chasing me and trying to kill/hurt me.. like normal.. and then throughout Monday I'll get flashbacks from this dream.

Well. Maybe. That's what has happened for a couple of days... last week. My whole life.. and me is dominated by 'maybes' and thoughts.

Non-stop thinking.. it could be wrong but... *shrug* I have nothing else to do.

I'll just slink away into bed and forget about everything.. and feel the ghost tears stream down my face again.