Today I went to my grandpas to help set up for this barbecue we were having for my great granny's birthday. I was soo bored but I didn't mind doing it as much as I usually would. I was in a surprisingly good-ish mood. It wasn't good exactly just centered. I suppose. =

I hate this. I was just thinking how I really wanted to write in here, write something good, worth reading but I've drawn a complete blank on anything interesting to say. Gr. I've also lost my energy. I'm feeling really tired. I usually go through this phase of tiredness for about an hour and then I perk up and stay awake til about three/half three in the morning.

Tomorrow I'm going to the V Festival which should be fucking ace because Queens of the Stone Age, Foo Fighters, Ash, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Coldplay are performing. I cannot FUCKING WAIT til QOTSA play, and the Foo's, of course. Wow. I am really excited. Also I'm going with my mum and my mum's friend so that means I can go mosh right near the front. Usually I go with friends, or friend, and we have difficulty getting to the front. Also Hannah P (who went with me last year) didn't like being too near the front. Didn't like the closeness of it all, but I love it. I am going to get close. I hope so anyway. Especially with QOTSA ... they should be fucking A.

I love music so even if I get 'caught' between two acts nad have to see someone I don't particularly want to I will still watch and dance and muck around. The stalls and various 'shops' that are set up there can be class too. The t-shirts rock. Haha. They have some funny ones. Stuff about penguins, and I'm sure there are loads of swear words on some of them. =) Perrfect.

I feel so lonely sometimes. I feel so misunderstood and vulnerable. People are telling me I need to have faith in myself, to believe that I am good but I don't know if I can do that. I don't actually know how to do that. I've always considered myself lower than everyone else. Probably because of my primary school. Those fuckers there. Fuckheads. I'm not even going to get started on them..

Why are all the people that truly care for me from the internet? It's weird. I mean I have some friends from school or Hannah P who I've known since I was two/three. But.. I've connected with some people from the internet in a way you can't (or I can't) with people face to face. Here. Where I live.

Through people on the internet I've grown. Not just in myself, but my taste in music. Not just those two but I've grown, overall, as a person and that wouldn't have happened as quickly as it did if I hadn't have meant certain people.

Yeah I've had to felt pain and I've had to known true worrying when you can't contact peopole but I've also found love, happiness and some hope in the people I know. They encourage me to go on while the people here at home either ignore the fact I need a lifeline or don't care.

But I've learnt from that. Heh.

To think. Without the internet I would never have met Alex, Loley, Peggerty, Jason, Steve (ahhahaha), Heather, Wifey, Andy, Graeme and sooo many more. It's weird. Most of those are friends that are central to my 'being' and my 'development'.

And this whole entry has taken me about half an hour to write. Haha. I have been writing an e-mail at the same time and listening to music. Take care y'all. Hope this made some kinda of sense... something resembling sense anyway.