Dayan hung himself on Saturday 22nd November. His funeral is next Monday.

I have been crying since about 2:30 and still I feel the tears coming. Nothing can help anymore because.. I'm blocking it all out.

I wish there was something I could have done but by now I know wishes to re-arrange the past can never come true. I just have to accept he's gone and that never again will I hear his laugh, see his smile or hold his hand.

And that will be the hard thing because he was real to me.

So yeah. Right now. Today. May well be the hardest day of my life.

*deep breath*

And Sean has been my rock today, I don't know what I would have done.

Jason.. I am so sorry I was a state when I phoned, and when you phoned. I'll see you tomorrow and you better have a hug for me, even though you'll be reading this after the day.

I had better go. My heart beats and my head pounds.

*sigh* Love.

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